amy vs monsters

so i found a new monster last year and was very sad by this monsters exisitence so i promptly forgot about it. (because when things are that sad or scary sometimes you just have to ignore them) two weeks ago this monster came back.

this monster is the 'no one likes me nearly as much as i like them'. or the 'there is no way _____ would want to (spend time with, get to know, ever meet, etc) me.'

this is a very hard monster to have as it limits your ability to ask for help, connect with people, be social, make friends, and on and on.

so when i first found this monster again two weeks ago i was feeling super fragile and vulnerable and so very, very sad. as can be expected when you find these parts who truly believe you aren't worthy enough to like.

so i've been circling the monster trying to find ways to strike up a conversation and getting my group of scientist involved to study the problem and phenomenon. this is the image they see:

notice i have stripey socks and the monster has this really strange big hook hands and a cute little tail.

the data the scientist have collected is super interesting. (if you are me, but maybe it will also be interesting to you and your scientists)

data finding #1) some of the people i love adore the most also have this monster

data finding #2) since acknowledging monster and not stuffing it in a closet i have been 10x more social-going to brunch, spontaneous walks, dinner and movies, etc

data finding #3) people often ask to visit and hang out with me (how did i never notice this?)

data finding #4) poking, cajoling, and being mean to this monster makes all opportunity evaporate and all ability to reach out to others impossible. no being mean!

data finding #5) most people who have met me have a favorable reaction to my presence. in fact many people i have just met have turned to me and said "i am just so glad you are here" now some of them were drunk so while the scientist won't completely disregard these statements they will factor in rose colored glasses effect or alcohol haze. but in general most people who meet me say "yay" (or something less 5 year oldish)

conclusion so far: i am not horrible, nor do i need to hide in a closet. i should probably risk a bit more and take a few more chances but for now i am happy to try to turn this circling with the monster into some kind of dance.

also there are many, many people out there who want to help me as much as i want to help them and while action towards making contact with those people would be grand it is ok to just remain positively open to the idea that they can and will find you and be the one to initiate contact and i can talk back.

you want to talk to your monsters? go buy Havi's Monster Coloring book it's half way down the page under I'm a Shivanaut -which by the way will also help you be able to talk to monsters.