and the energy just isn't there.

and you know if you push through you could make things happen.

but then you'd most likely have to re-do it again.

and it is hard to sit in this energy of stagnancy and dormancy and wanting things to move but not having the energy to make it happen.

i have been having strange dreams lately. dreams of earth quakes and mountains falling of horror and simplicity and removal of everything but the body and the land and your hands and the dirt.

in part i think this is where my energy is. in fear that this could happen and what would we do and how would it be if everything got just a bit worse. and then just a bit more worse.

what would people do if forced to live there?

i think i crave the honest hard work of tearing down structures and building them up again and normally by this time of the year i am well into garden restructuring and moving stones about. but this year has brought with it remarkably cold temperatures and a hiddious amount of rain. which makes it unlikely that i can go out for more than 10-20 minutes at a time.

but these dreams keep me pinned, make me want to create and share stories, make me want to hurry up and finish the next reflexology book, marketing pre-school and tarot in your inbox. but they also keep me static because why create something when the world is changing so fast. and shouldn't you use your energy to make things right?

shouldn't you use your energy to make things right?

the faeries have been quiet in my life that past few weeks. sitching the earth back together, trying to prevent massive world wide chaos and soothing the chaos already inflicted on japan and others.

they are exhausted.

i am exhausted because their work invades my dreams. i see the olympic mountains crumble from my porch every night for the past three nights, and for the past week the deep underwater plates being stitched together and rebuilt.

what does this mean i wonder and how can i help?

silence is the answer i recieve

and so i try to focus my energy on goals i've set and deadline i want to meet, but the energy and the words and the flow are elsewhere.

sometimes when things just aren't right you have to be ok with not knowing and just go back to the basics.

breath in and out, put one foot after another, chew your food before swallowing and snuggle with the kitty in your lap.