I am in a playing with the concept of choice today. I was reviewing parts of Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing for a shamanic session I am facilitating and I found a whole section on choice which sparked this inner dialogue.

In my view of the world I tend to believe that there is no wrong choice. There are easy ways to go and there are harder ways. Right or Wrong seems way too black and white for me and I tend to view the world and the events in more of a spectrum with a huge gray scale and not much happening in the realm of Good (white) or Bad (black). But that's me, I like gradients and I like to think that even my worst choices are tools for learning "what not to do." I hope that they teach others as well (that is if I choose to share my follies).

What got me pondering choice today are concepts Caroline Myss presents, which are 1) choices made in fear are not supported by the divine 2) choice is the process of creation 3) ultimately we cannot be in control.

My response to point 1: her basic statement following this idea was that any choice made in fear is a wrong choice and cannot be supported by God. Fear negates all forms of manifestation and creativity according to the argument presented in the book. What I can't get behind in this idea is that A LOT of our decisions are made in times of fear and panic. In fact most of us are consistently living in a state of near panic at all times due to the stresses of daily living in our society (how do I make ends meet, how do I pay taxes, is my relationship going to fail, will I be fired, etc) So what I don't get is that if we are living in a state of fear due to the circumstances of our lives, does this mean that we are continuously making bad choices? Because yuck. I can't subscribe to that. It takes away our power. I realize on one hand it is trying to give us power and make us see that Right choice comes from a calm, centered place but how can we get to that calm centered place in the middle of the high stress business meeting, or the dark street corner? Rash quickly made decisions should be thought about and reviewed, I can own that. But I can't stall on that street corner or in that meeting because if I do someone else is going to make a decision for me and that decision may very well affect my well-being. This is why having a gray scale is a good thing. I can justify and place all of my actions somewhere on that scale and make none of it Right or Wrong. And I can find the trust somewhere in my being that the higher powers looking out for me will put energy behind any decision I am fully committed too.

I really like the idea that choice is creation. I am creating my reality with every small decision I make. I like that. And I hate that. Because I understand that when I choose not to exercise my body or feed it healthy things that I am creating and environment for my body to not function at it's highest potential. In the long run I hope this belief can turn into a lifestyle where I make better decisions (brighter on the gray scale) which in turn create more opportunities that I like to participate in and can put energy and resources behind. And to play again with point one, if choice is creation isn't any choice made under any circumstance blessed by the divine? I'd like to think so.

And the last point: that we are ultimately not in control cracks me up. It like being offered a choice between a and b, picking one and then having it withheld (nope sorry, I just wanted to see which one you'd pick). If this is True why bother to make a decision at all? If everything is already planned out and we are not in control, then what is the point of all this struggle? What I believe the author was trying to get across is that we are all subjected to the factors of chaos and fate. Chaos comes from the influence of others actions upon your decisions and also from outside influences you cannot control. Chaos makes life more interesting and highly unusual. Fate to me is events that are unforeseen and out of our control, things like accidents, illness, miracles. Fate makes sure you get to the next level of your evolution whether by force or by happenstance. These forces work together to make your life full. What I am hoping the author was trying to say that it really doesn't matter what you choose you will get to exactly where you are supposed to be one way or another.

This brings me around to the whole point of this post... I am a poor decision maker. Especially when asked questions if I am hungry or tired or feeling overwhelmed. I have learn to view this as a fault of mine. I get confused and I don't want to commit to anything, not even what I want to eat. So I let others decide and either it is ok or more often it pisses me (or the other person) off, because I wanted anything BUT that. I am a difficult person. However due to an activity I participated in this weekend about taking our fault and turning it into a superpower I am finding amazing things about choice and how many choice I am constantly and actually making in life here on planet earth. So if I am to turn this around I have to say that....

I am Opportunity woman. Able to defy fate with patience, annoys serious adults but is friend to all children, animals and artists, has a storeroom of possible doors to walk through, can change temperament, clothes or ideas in a flash, has the potential to manifest anything, sees all potential outcomes and commits to nothing but the possibility of everything.

That's a pretty good superhero skill.