i cannot tell you how many times in a tarot session i have said "it doesn't matter which path you chose you're going to learn this lesson and end up in the same place-if you take this road or that road or some road you don't even know about yet-just walk and sort it out along the way." fucking hell.
in my last post i talked about wandering off path.
today i talk about how detours bring you home.
here's a story about me. money is very very hard for me to understand, to trust, and to deal with. if wishes were fishes we'd live in some advanced society where we'd have already figured out money is bullshit and that's not the way things work. but we don't-so i struggle. and i freak out.
i freak out a lot.
like every 15 seconds a lot.
it's exhausting to be chasing something you don't understand and sort of hate.
the chasing of money has lead me some very interesting places. i believe i've had 35 some odd versions of jobs in my 42 years on planet earth. (i often hold 2-4 jobs simultaneously) many of my jobs lead into a slightly different version of a very similar job (like at a preschool i used to work at i was art teacher, preK teacher, front desk, program coordinator and cook over the course of 6 years)
over the last 2 years it led me to pretty constantly making food for film sets.
while making food for film sets i got tired. i got lazy. i got cold. i got overweight. i started lifting things wrong. i kept lifting things wrong. i stood too long. i stopped stretching. i hurt. i hurt more. i hurt all the time.
and a few months ago i realized how fucking broken i actually was.
so i stopped.
and entered the ME FIRST self care academy.
my new mantra was god-damn it i want to be able to hike 15 miles and do a head stand when i'm 70.
in the me first self care academy (MFSCA) i rediscovered reiki. which made me rediscover meditation which made me say hey what the fuck! faery doctoring is rad! why don't you tell people about shamanism and earth healing and house energy and self care first before all others and magic and alchemy and ritual and candles and fire and, and, and ... and
and i made a leap to where it's not about money anymore.
it's about saving myself from the pervasive energy that is degrading our world and keeping us separate form each other and nature.
it's about loving myself and the earth who sustains me.
and while i know i still have a mortgage payment and i will still occasionally freak the fuck out about that payment i understand that we do live in that advanced society-it's just not the obvious society.
my money story is being transformed through self love, self reiki, a whole lot of magical rituals, some spell casting and a lot of re-aranging the furniture and clearing out the literal and metaphysical cobwebs.
but what does this even mean?
it means that i'm changing my focus. i'm exchanging this weird money thing for magic, for healing, for food, for love. it means that from the outside nothing much will look very different at all except i will have some new things listed on the list of healing things you can do and your food might taste better on set and your experience on set might be a whole lot different and more energizing, and your foot pain might go away faster.
why? because i'm not gonna shut down the energy thing while in mixed company anymore.
pow! whap! bang!
it means i'm now a reiki master but i'm retaking all my classes to learn it deeper, to understand it different. it means i just figured out how to do shamanic healing and clearing without draining myself and it means there's a whole lot more creativity and resources for my creative friends that are coming down the pipeline.
the crazy thing is, because i made the leap to it's not about money anymore might just possibly mean that money and jobs and adventure will suddenly pop up out of strange and interesting places. because it's not about money. it's about love and connection and wanting to be or be a part of something bigger. with a dash of trust.